So why is Zelda here? It’s not just to annoy Rebecca with stories about her “scandalous” youth. She claims the painting is cursed. Yes, cursed. Every time someone hangs it crooked, a Richmond player gets a mysterious injury.
That explains why Sam Obisanya pulled a hamstring while looking at a jar of mayonnaise. We all assumed it was just a weird Tuesday. Nope. Zelda’s curse.
She insists the only way to break the hex is to perform a “ritual” involving a soccer ball, a bottle of 1923 Château d’Yquem, and a live pigeon. The pigeon doesn’t cooperate. It poops on Roy Kent’s head. Roy just growls, “This is fine. Absolutely fine.”
Keeley and the Hip Flask
Of course, Keeley Jones is obsessed with Zelda. She follows her around like a groupie, taking notes on her “vintage glamour” and “questionable life choices.” At one point, Zelda pulls a silver hip flask from her garter and offers Keeley a sip.
“It’s kerosene and elderflower,” Zelda says with a wink. “Hair of the dog that bit your ex-boyfriend.” Keeley downs it and immediately starts speaking fluent Italian. I’m not joking. She orders a pizza in Italian to a confused Roy. Magic hip flask.
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The best part? Zelda teaches the team a new pre-game chant. It’s in French. It translates to, “We shall kick the ball, and also we shall drink.” The locker room smells like perfume and rebellion. I love it here.
