Did you know the M25 has its own artificial intelligence called “Smart Motorway” technology? It uses cameras and sensors to monitor traffic. During this crash, the system literally sent a tweet that read: “Severe delays of 90 minutes. Please avoid the area. We are sad.” It didn’t say “we are sad,” but I felt it in the pixelation. The system has the emotional intelligence of a teenager who just dropped their phone in the toilet.
M25 crash latest: 'Multiple-vehicle' collision brings…
Also, the M25 is technically a circular graveyard for dreams. A study from the RAC showed that the average driver spends 30 hours a year on it. Over a lifetime, that’s three months of pure frustration. Three months! You could have grown a beard, climbed Everest, or watched the entire “Friends” series six times. Instead, you’re here, watching a lorry driver try to scrape orange jam off his wing mirror with a credit card.
The Aftermath
By lunchtime, all lanes were reopened. The marmalade lorry was towed away, leaving a sticky, citrus-scented scar on the tarmac. Traffic is now flowing at a glacial 15 mph, which for the M25 counts as “lightning speed.” The seagull has returned. It’s pecking at a broken headlight. It looks smug.
So, what have we learned today? First: never trust a traffic cone with ambitions. Second: always keep a pack of biscuits in your glovebox, because you might need to barter for fuel with the ducks. And third: the M25 is less a road and more of a beige-colored patience test designed by a sadistic traffic engineer. Drive safe, folks. And if you see a cone acting suspiciously, report it to the authorities. I mean it.
P.S. If you were the poor soul in the Ford Fiesta who got marmalade on your windscreen, I salute you. That’s a story you’ll tell your grandchildren—right before they ask why you never learned to take the train.
