Black Widows are not a thing in the UK. The False Widow is our celebrity replacement. It’s a mild-mannered neighbour that got a bad PR agent. Respect its space, and it won’t bother you.
So, next time you see a spider and panic, pause. Ask yourself: “Is this a real black widow?” The answer is no. It’s probably just a confused house guest. Offer it a fly. Say hi. Then put it outside.
And if you’re still scared? Remember: the spider is more scared of you. You’re a giant, warm-blooded monster. It’s just a tiny string-bean with legs. You win. Every time.
Now go look up “False Widow spider bite meme.” It’s hilarious. And maybe don’t check under your bed tonight.
