Every player from the first team will be on the bus. This includes Bukayo Saka, who is legally required to wave at every single child within a five-mile radius—it’s in his contract. Also present: Mikel Arteta, who is expected to give a speech that somehow lasts exactly 47 minutes and uses the word "process" twenty-six times.
But the surprising fact? The club has invited several legends from the Invincibles era. That’s right—Thierry Henry is reportedly ready to step off the bus, look at the trophy, and whisper, "Took you long enough, you beautiful idiots."
There’s even a rumor that the midfield maestro himself, Santi Cazorla, will make an appearance via hologram. Because if you’re going to celebrate a title finally, you might as well use a little magic.
What to Wear: A Fashion Emergency
The official dress code is "red and white, but make it loud." You are strongly encouraged to wear that lucky shirt you’ve had since 2005. The one with the pizza stain that looks suspiciously like the Premier League trophy.
Do not wear the jersey of a rival club. That’s how you get mistaken for a clown at a very serious circus. One fan has already knitted a life-sized replica of the Emirates Stadium out of wool. It will take four people to carry it, but by God, it will be seen.
Arsenal parade: All the details, photos, video
Also, bring a hat. It’s May 31, the sun might be shining, and nobody wants to see a sunburnt soccer fan crying into a commemorative scarf.
