I won’t lie. I grabbed a vacuum and went full Ghostbusters. I sucked up every black speck I could see. Then I dumped the canister outside like I was disposing of evidence.
For about two hours, I felt like a hero. Until I turned around and saw one crawling on my pillow. Defeat. Pure, hollow defeat.
“Fine,” I said to the bug. “You win. Take the house. I’ll live in the shed.” He didn’t even acknowledge me. Rude.
The Cold, Hard (Bug-Free) Truth
Here’s the thing your aunt won’t tell you: you can’t just vacuum once and call it a day. You need a strategy. A plan. A war room with pushpins and maps.
First, find their source. For carpet beetles, check your closets, under rugs, and behind furniture. The spots you never clean. Are you blushing? You should be. I am.
For fungus gnats, stop drowning your plants. Let the soil dry out completely. Put a layer of sand on top. They hate sand. “It’s coarse and rough and irritating,” they say, probably quoting Anakin Skywalker.
