Let’s get the stats out of the way. This horse has started 87 races. His record? 0 wins, 0 places, 0 shows. That’s a perfect zero.
He’s finished dead last in 32 of them. One time, he came in so far behind that the announcer thought he had stopped for a snack.
His earnings? $237. That’s less than your last Uber ride. Most of that came from a “participation ribbon” fund some generous fan started online. True story.
What’s His Secret?
You might think he’s slow. You’d be right, but it’s more than that. He has a unique talent for finding trouble.
He once stumbled over his own shadow. His own shadow! Another time, he lost a shoe in the starting gate and then tried to eat it.
Trainers call him “uncoachable.” Jockeys call him “Mr. Tums” because he gives them heartburn. He doesn’t run. He shuffles with a look of mild confusion.
