If you’re determined to see the shop open, follow these rules. First, check the official Instagram account the morning of your trip. Second, pray. Third, have a backup plan, like a nice walk or a visit to the nearby Cotswold Farm Park. If you go expecting nothing, you’ll never be disappointed—and sometimes, you’ll get a really good lager.
The shop is open more often than not during harvest season (September to November), but from June to August? It’s a perfect lottery. One day it’s bustling, the next it’s a ghost town. The inconsistency is part of the brand. Clarkson is basically telling us: “Look, I tried, but farming is a mess. Want a cuppa?”
The Final Verdict
So, is Diddly Squat Farm Shop open? Maybe. Probably not. But that’s exactly why you should go anyway. You’ll laugh at the absurdity, you’ll curse the mud on your shoes, and you’ll come home with a story. And honestly, isn’t that worth more than a sack of overpriced spuds? No, but it’s close.
Just don’t bring your cousin Ben unless he’s prepared for disappointment. He’s still talking about that locked door. I tell you, some people just can’t handle the realities of celebrity agriculture.
