Now, the real challenge. The queue at John Lewis is different. It’s civilised chaos. Nobody is huffing or tapping their foot. Everyone is just holding their one sensible item—a new bath mat, a gift for a wedding you’re dreading—and making polite eye contact. It’s the politest hostage situation in retail.
You’ll eye the “click-and-collect” counter and feel a pang of envy. Those people have their lives sorted. They planned. You didn’t plan. You are just a vessel for a waffle maker you will use. Eventually.
Female gang used secret pockets in skirts to attempt ‘huge theft’ of
The Gift Wrap Guy (Or Gal)
The wrapping station is a marvel. You will watch someone expertly fold paper around a strangely shaped vase and feel a mix of awe and shame. You can barely wrap a birthday present without using half a roll of tape. These people are artists, and they probably do yoga on their lunch break. I once asked for a gift receipt, and the cashier smiled like I’d just proposed. “Smart move,” she said. I floated out of the store on a cloud of validation.
