Searching for Ian Beale’s exact age is like asking how long a piece of string is. The string is covered in gravy and tied to a pub stool. The string has a mortgage.
The real answer is: Ian Beale is ageless. He is a force of nature. He is a man who has been bankrupt seventeen times, yet still shows up to open a market stall. He is a survivor. He is eternal.
Next time you watch EastEnders, don’t count candles. Count his traumas. That’s the real birthday list. And guess what? He’ll still be serving chips when you’re in a nursing home.
Now go, carry this useless, brilliant knowledge with you. You’re welcome.
