First up: Tituba. She’s basically the Beyoncé of this whole mess, minus the fame and plus a lot of racism. Poor Tituba was an enslaved woman from the Caribbean, and her name alone sounds exotic, which the Puritans immediately deemed suspicious. You can’t have a name that cool and not get blamed for some dancing in the woods; it’s the law.
Then there’s Bridget Bishop. Now that’s a name that sounds like it belongs in a cozy mystery novel, right? But nope—she was the first person executed, hanged on Gallows Hill. Bridget apparently wore a “black cap” and was harsh with her husbands. Rude.
Oh, and let’s not forget Giles Corey. He’s the guy who refused to plead and was pressed to death with heavy stones. His name is now synonymous with stubborn heroism, but can we talk about how “Giles Corey” sounds like a folk musician who only plays banjo songs about vengeful spirits?
The “Witchy” Names That Just Sound Cool
Let’s be real: some of these names are straight-up branding gold. Sarah Good and Sarah Osborne? That’s like a duet called “The Sarahs of Doom.” Sarah Good was a homeless beggar who muttered curses, while Sarah Osborne was old, sick, and hadn’t been to church in a year. Their names are so simple, so biblical, yet they scream “don’t borrow my broom.”
And then there’s John Proctor. Arthur Miller made him famous, but the real dude’s name is pure protagonist energy. “John Proctor” sounds like a guy who fixes things and yells at clouds. He was hanged for refusing to confess, and his name is now a synonym for integrity. Mic drop.
