Here’s what makes me smirk: Kim Jong Un’s wealth is totally performative. He wears the same Rolex in every photo, but it’s probably a $5 replica from a Chinese market—because real luxury watches would be a security risk. And that private jet? It’s an old Il-76 that’s been refitted, not a Gulfstream. So is he actually dripping in cash? Or is it all a carefully curated illusion?
I’d argue it’s both. He has real money—real billions—but he hides it like a child hiding candy under a mattress. And the sad part? His people starve while he eats foie gras. So, final tally? Net worth: unknowable, but probably in the low billions. But honestly, the number doesn’t matter. What matters is the system that lets one man eat like a king while millions eat like…well, nothing.
And that’s the real story, isn’t it? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to check my own bank account. Spoiler: it’s slightly less than Kim’s. But at least I don’t need a nuclear launch code to buy a sandwich.
