The company says they’re trying to relocate most of the employees from the closing stores. So don’t imagine a bunch of pizza chefs crying into a bucket of extra cheese. But let’s be real: if you worked at one of those closing stores, you should immediately go find the nearest Dominos and apply with a confidence that only comes from knowing how to fold a perfect pizza box.
Also, Pizza Hut is dumping cash into delivery technology and faster ovens. Translation: They want your pizza to arrive before you even realize you’re hungry. They’re basically becoming a pizza fairy godparent, but one that drops your dinner on your doorstep in a cardboard coach.
The Shocking Silver Lining You Didn’t Expect
Here’s the plot twist: This closure announcement is actually good news for your stomach. Pizza Hut isn’t dying. They’re evolving. They’re closing the old, slow stores and opening smaller, faster ones. They’re also testing a “Pizza Hut Hut” concept—a tiny kiosk inside gas stations. You’ll soon be able to buy a medium pepperoni next to a jug of windshield wiper fluid.
Pizza Hut UK to close 68 restaurants, 1,210 jobs to go | Reuters
And remember: the Book It! program is still alive. For those of you born before Wi-Fi, that’s the program where kids got free personal pan pizzas for reading books. It’s still running. So while 68 adult-centric restaurants close, thousands of children are still earning pizza by reading about dinosaurs and mild peril. That’s what I call a nutritional win.
So, don’t light a memorial candle made of garlic butter. Instead, order a large pan with extra cheese while you still can. Support the remaining 6,632 restaurants. Go sit in a booth and regret it for three days. That’s the American way.
And if you’re feeling nostalgic about those 68 closing locations, just remember: you’re not being abandoned. You’re being pushed toward the future, one ghost kitchen at a time. A future where your pizza is hot, your doorbell is about to ring, and the only roof you need is the one over your head while you eat in sweatpants. That’s the pizza evolution, folks. Embrace the grease.
