You walk in, and the reception desk looks like a spaceship control panel after a smoothie incident. The staff are unnervingly cheerful—think of a golden retriever who just discovered coffee. Check-in takes about four seconds. They hand you a key card shaped like a melted Toblerone. Fact: that card is actually a recycled hotel key from 2008. They never change the design. It’s like a fossil.
You’ll also notice a jar of free biscuits near the kettle. This is a trap. Take two. Take three. The receptionist will wink. It’s the unwritten law of Premier Inn Cardiff North: biscuits are currency.
