Did you know there’s a half-marathon this weekend? Oh yes. Because London loves to combine road closures with sports events that make absolutely no sense for the traffic flow. This marathon is closing major streets in Greenwich, so your trip to the Cutty Sark becomes a pilgrimage. You will run, but not by choice.
The runners get water stations. You don’t. You get trapped behind a bus that’s trying to reverse down a one-way street. A man in shorts with official numbers pinned to his front will knock on your window and ask if you want a Lucozade. Do not take it. It’s a slippery slope to joining the race.
Map of Tube and road closures in London this weekend revealed | News UK
What to Do Instead of Crying
Your best bet? Walk. Yes, walk. You’ll feel like a Victorian chimney sweep, but you’ll arrive faster than any motorist. Bring comfortable shoes and a strong sense of irony. Or, you could do the unthinkable: stay home. Watch Netflix. Order a takeaway. Count the traffic cones on Google Maps.
If you must drive, accept your fate. Pack snacks. Bring a book. Name your traffic jam. I call mine "Reginald," and he is a slow, gas-guzzling monster with no soul. By Sunday evening, you will have learned the names of every street in South London. Congratulations: you're now a local.
