If you’re watching the new Conjuring movie, don’t worry about the adults. Worry about the kids who are exactly eight. They’re the ones who will start talking in Latin at the dinner table.
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And if you’re a parent of an eight-year-old? Hide your Ouija boards. Also, maybe put a crucifix in the breakfast cereal. Just in case. It’s the new normal.
But seriously, isn’t it wild how a number can become so iconic? “Eight is the new possession age.” Say it five times fast. It sounds like a nursery rhyme from hell. A very specific, very math-heavy nursery rhyme.
So next time you’re arguing with a friend about the best horror movie age, you’ve got your answer. The new Conjuring is age eight. Don’t ask why. It’s just the way the demonic economy works. Supply and demand, baby.
And if you’re planning a horror movie marathon? Invite only kids who are older than nine. You’ll save on holy water. I promise.
(Now go check your kid’s room for floating objects. Just in case.)
