Here’s the bottom line: Kringle means three things. First, it’s a delicious, morally superior pastry from Wisconsin that requires a nap afterward. Second, it’s a Scandinavian teething bread that doubles as a Viking tool. Third, it’s Santa’s middle name, which he never uses because it’s too embarrassing. “Ho ho ho, I’m Kris Kringle,” sounds way better than “I’m Kris Butter-Pastry.”
So next time you hear the word, don’t just think of a sleigh. Think of a buttery, flaky, almond-covered conspiracy that spans centuries and continents. And if someone offers you a Kringle, take it—but ask first if it came from Wisconsin or from a Norse blacksmith. Your teeth will thank you.
