If you’re a battery or a steam iron, distilled water is your soulmate. If you’re a human with a pulse, drink purified water (or tap water filtered through a Brita—because honestly, tap water in most developed countries is already safe). Distilled water is like that friend who’s so clean they make you feel grimy. Purified water is the friend who showers, but also lets you borrow their hoodie.
And here’s the secret they don’t tell you: Both are regulated by the FDA as “water for human consumption,” which means the government has your back. Unless you live in Flint, Michigan—then just buy anything in a sealed container and pray.
One Last Pour of Truth
Remember that old myth that distilled water leaches minerals from your body? It’s mostly hogwash. Your body gets minerals from food, not water. But if you drink only distilled water for months, you might pee out more minerals than you take in. So unless you’re a competitive water drinker on a strict distilled diet, just stick to purified or good old tap.
And if you’re still confused, just close your eyes and pick one. The universe doesn’t care—but your espresso machine does. Use distilled in that, or face the gurgle of eternal regret.
