Distilled water is the overachiever of the water world. It goes through a process where it’s boiled into steam, then cooled back into liquid, leaving behind every mineral, chemical, and existential dread it once carried. Think of it as water that’s been through a spa detox retreat—no magnesium, no calcium, no fluoride, no nothing. It’s like the celebrity who shows up to a party and says, “I don’t do gluten, dairy, or personality.”
I once bought a jug of distilled water for my car battery (don’t ask, it was a weird weekend). When I accidentally drank some, I felt like I had consumed negative hydration. It was so pure my tongue didn’t know what to do with it. It’s the water equivalent of a blank stare.
