You think I’m joking? Look up. There’s a giraffe on the top of the National Gallery. It’s part of a protest by the “Art for All” movement—they’re demanding more giant herbivores in classical paintings. The giraffe is named Gerald. He’s eating a banner that says “No More Landscapes.” The crowd is cheering. A security guard is climbing a ladder with a bucket of carrots. This is not a drill—it’s a giraffe-ffair.
In pictures: Newcastle United fans take over Trafalgar Square - BBC News
Gerald’s handler told me they’ll stay until someone agrees to replace a Gainsborough with a zebra. The gallery curator said, “We’ll think about it.” Meanwhile, a TikTok influencer is live-streaming Gerald’s every chew. He’s already gained 50,000 followers. The pigeon union is not amused—they call it “ancillary fame.” Bitter? Maybe. But they’re still getting free croissants.
The One Official Thing
In the midst of this glorious chaos, believe it or not, there’s an actual official event. A group of schoolchildren is planting a commemorative tree—a silver birch—near the northeast corner. It’s to mark the 50th anniversary of something boring, like a postal reform. The kids are bored. One is eating the soil. The mayor’s assistant is reading a speech from an iPad that’s dying. The pigeons have formed a picket line around the tree. They want a cut of the compost. Surprising fact: This is actually the fourth tree they’ve tried to plant this month. The previous three were stolen by rival pigeon factions.
