The Serpentine Bar & Kitchen sells a burger that costs more than your phone bill. Do not buy it unless you are a venture capitalist or a swan with a credit card. Instead, bring a sad sandwich from home and eat it while glaring at the rich people eating quinoa salads.
Or, better yet, hit up the kiosk near the Lido where they sell warm, flaky sausage rolls for about three quid. They’ll taste like heaven because you’re eating them in a park, sitting on damp grass, watching a squirrel try to break into someone’s backpack. That’s the London dream.
BST Hyde Park - Hyde Park, London, UK
The Bicycle Graveyard
Rent one of those Santander Cycles—you know, the blue ones that look like they were designed by a committee of pensioners. They ride like shopping carts with scoliosis. But if you wobble down the South Carriage Drive, you’ll feel like a Tour de France contestant, except your “team” is a toddler on a tricycle and a man on a unicycle. Yes, that’s a real thing.
Fun statistic: there are over 4,000 of these bikes scattered across London, and roughly 3,999 of them have seats that mysteriously dampen your trousers. It’s a feature, not a bug.
