Here’s the thing: we’re all a little afraid to be too visible. We hide behind muted colors and “appropriate” choices. Simon doesn’t hide. He blazes.
His glasses say, “I don’t care if you think I look ridiculous. I’ll own ridiculous.” And that’s a superpower, honestly. A red-framed superpower.
Next time you see him, stare at those glasses. Really take them in. Notice how they catch the light like a fire alarm that decided to be cute. Then ask yourself: What’s my red glasses?
One Last Wild Theory
I still think there’s a 99% chance Simon is a retired superhero. The glasses hide his x-ray vision. Or they’re a transmitter for his secret underground lair. I’ve never seen him without them, even in the shower. Okay, I haven’t looked, but I assume.
Maybe the red frames contain a microchip that controls the weather. Have you noticed how it’s always sunny when Simon’s around? No? Just me? Fine.
Look, the truth is simple: Simon wears red glasses because he wants to. Because he can. Because life is too short for boring accessories. And if that means he looks like a raspberry that went to college, so be it.
So next Tuesday, when you see Simon at the coffee shop, don’t ask him why he wears red glasses. Thank him. Thank him for being a walking reminder that we can all be a little more extra. A little more stop-sign. A little more Simon.
And maybe—just maybe—steal his fries while he’s distracted. He’ll blame it on the glasses anyway.
