Let’s talk theme parks, because Dollywood just announced a $55 million expansion for 2026. New ride: “The Thunderbolt of Love” — a wooden coaster that’s allegedly themed around her song “I Will Always Love You.” Will it play the song during the drop? Yes, and I’m terrified and thrilled. They’re also adding a new bakery that sells only cornbread and jam. That’s it. Cornbread and jam. Genius.
"Ain't dead yet": Dolly Parton shares health update with fans after
I’m already planning my trip. You should too. We can meet by the cornbread line and debate whether her hair is real or sentient. (It’s sentient, don’t argue.)
The Ultimate Plot Twist: Dolly Might Host the Oscars
Rumors are flying that Dolly is in talks to host the next Academy Awards. Nothing confirmed yet, but imagine: Dolly on stage, cracking jokes about Hollywood’s ego, while wearing a dress made entirely of lightbulbs. Would she sing all the nominated songs? Probably. Would the show run five hours? Absolutely. And we’d still love every second because it’s her.
If this happens, I’m declaring a national holiday. “Dolly-Day.” It’s just a day where you wear glitter and say exactly what you think. You’re welcome.
So there you have it: Dolly Parton is still out here writing books, donating libraries, roasting fans, building roller coasters, and possibly hosting the Oscars. What did you do today? I ate leftover pizza. But I’m okay with that, because Dolly is doing enough for all of us. Stay brilliant, Dolly. We’re not worthy, but we’re definitely entertained.
