The burps. Oh, the burps. They start within fifteen minutes. They are sulfuric anthems of regret. They echo from your soul.
Your breath will smell for a solid 24 hours. Brushing your teeth is just a formality. The onion has colonized your taste buds. They’re not your taste buds anymore; they belong to the Allium empire.
I tried everything. Toothpaste. Mouthwash. Chewing mint leaves like a panicked cow. Nothing worked. My mouth smelled like a farmer’s market after a disappointing harvest.
Experiencing Images - Free Download on Freepik
The Verdict: Should You Do It?
Look, I’m not your mom. If you’re curious, go for it. It’s a wild sensation. It’s like rock climbing with your tongue, but less fun.
You will feel a strange sense of power. And loneliness. No one will want to stand near you. You become a hermit, but with excellent gut health.
Would I do it again? Absolutely not. I value my friends too much. And my own dignity, which is already on shaky ground.
But I don’t entirely regret it. It’s a story. A stinky, slightly unhinged story that I can now tell you over coffee. (Please don’t order me an onion-scented latte, though.)
So, here’s my advice: if you’re going to do it, eat it with a lot of salt. Or better yet, just slice it thin, put it on a hot dog, and remember why we invented cooking. It’s a very good reason.
Your breath, your friends, and your future self will thank you. And if you do go full onion, send me a message. I want to know if you survived. And maybe what brand of mouthwash worked, because I’m still trying to find one.
